Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
