I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
