I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
40s are totally the cure
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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