Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
