I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
