I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
