Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize