y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
