I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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