Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
