New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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