Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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