drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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