My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
