I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
