never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
