You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
In America we eat man semen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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