btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dicks are not precious.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
