Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
