fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
