there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
