question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
