you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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