HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your face is a jimmy john
im having a threesome with these popsicles
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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