just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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