Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
