I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
PANTIES FOUND
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