Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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