Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
