Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
