Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
