Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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