She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
