His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
