All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
