dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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