come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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