she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My life is pants optional.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
