youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
