if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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