Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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