Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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