38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Welp...herpes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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