No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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