remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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