Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
