I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
