4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
