Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
