pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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