I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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