He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
